Day 400 - Human denial

Watched a rather eye opening video on the effects of the incoming 5g networks currently being implemented on our continent and others this year.  From what I have gathered from the information presented, it seems as though this is finally, the consequential culmination of our collective self righteousness, deception, and denial of responsibility.  To me there is really no question.  This is the doom of mankind as we know it. 

Interesting to see so many people are blaming the government, the elite, and the dark powers that be, yet oddly, we refuse to see the deception within ourselves.  Just have a look around at human beings.  Is it not obvious how superficial, arrogant, and downright spiteful we are as a whole?  Do human beings deserve anything less than the path that we are currently on as our apparent annihilation? Is it not clear that we have proven ourselves incapable of supporting even the most basic principles of life in any manner whatsoever?  Abominable, despicable, robotic zombies who's only allegiance is to our own self interest, and whatever appears to be beautiful on the surface! 

We are wasteful, careless, and completely devoid of any real consideration for the bottom line as to who it is we really are.  We wander around aimlessly led on by our vain desire for personal love and riches while content to watch the rest of the world (outside of our own protective families) as the insects, plants, animals, and nature all suffer and burn!! It is a very shameful existence we are creating here, and it is doubly shameful that we do not even recognize that fact when it is right in front of our eyes every single day! 

We deserve every bit of what is coming, because we refuse to accept responsibility for what we have allowed. Deny, deny, deny, deny, deny... just pin it on god or the devil or the government or the previous generation always has the same end, and that is exactly why we are going to reap this hell because denial is negligence and it is too late to change course now. 

Day 399 - Vain opulence

March 30

Recuperating again today.  Raining out with wet snow so not much to do outside.  Played some Dota, still feeling a bit tired today.  Watched Brazil's Carnival with all of the elaborate floats, unbelievable how much work must go into all of that, and how much will just end up as waste.  All of the costumes, so much vanity, eccentricity, opulence it's sickening. Amazing how that many people are so obliviously unaware, just following tradition and self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be oblivious to the nature of my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly follow tradition for my own self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blindly unaware of the design of consciousness and the solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the problems of the world in spite for my own vain indulgence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is some value in excessive opulence as perceived beauty

Day 398 - Goals and Fails

March 29

Got part of the ceiling finished and some bulkhead corners.  Had some dinner and feeling a bit tired.  Fired my bow a few times.  Tough times ahead.  Developing self trust, I think.  Catching myself trying to be a hero in my mind, as the person that is so great at everything, an expert worthy of praise and honor and glory.  Sadly, theres nothing really that great about me as per my track record.  Astrologer Shaley saying to stop having violent thoughts towards self, as in 'you suck', and the failure card came up.  Something I have definitely struggled with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to set goals in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to take reprehensibility to understand myself so that I could create goals that are achievable and attainable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get down on myself for seeing myself as a failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of what I need to do because of self judgments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not follow through with plans of what needs to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate and get lost in ideas and idealism's and so become distracted from my goals

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself in my ability to achieve goals that would benefit myself as well as others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dream of being a hero in my mind so that I can feel pride and honor in separation from my physical existence.

Day 397 - Work and Rant

March 28

Made an error in purchasing unnecessary inside corners that were overpriced.  Whoops. Got a lot of work done again today.  Bathroom corners done, large room and bulkheads done, lower butt joints done.  Just need 2nd coat on corners, 3rd on flats and buts, skim coat, then sanding.    Still not making a lot of money but it is steady work. 

Really interested in getting some kind of electric or gas scooter this summer, not sure if I can afford it at this point though.  Need to secure business income.  Future is uncertain in many ways.  Grateful for my health and that I have been able to overcome some serious health problems in the last few years.  Still feeling un-trusting particularly of women, however all humans seem vile and foolish in this reality to say the least.  How can anyone be happy even briefly amidst this disgrace we are existing as?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in self righteousness as self interest

Day 396 - Short dreams

March 27


Worked quite hard today taping.  Left foot a little soar from standing on the ladder.  Recall feeling very angry last night.  Had a dream of some old high school friends, then I was at another friends house, it was late and he directed my upstairs to go to sleep.  When I got to the top of the stairs, there was only one room.  I opened the door, and his mother was there with another girl and some children.  I didn't want to impose, but they invited me in saying something to the effect like 'we are doing things differently now'. I felt accepted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a fool of myself and not understand the severity of my life experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being a fool and foolish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to the primary objective of this existence

Day 395 - Tarot reading

March 26

Tuesdays.  Just make it through the day.

Tarot reading

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overzealous and shallow minded

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become vain and conceited in my shallow mindedness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become self destructive in nature

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take offense and become vengeful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become contemptuous and greedy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become easily tempted by the luxuries of the flesh

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself to an inward feeling of overwhelming defeat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself in my ability to be bold

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose consistency.  I realize that without constant application, things easily fall apart

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of the goal and so abdicate my ability to inspire change

Day 394 - Chillin at home

March 25


Day off.  Shot my bow today.  Played a lot of computer games.  Was fun for a while but got annoying after a while.  Not much else going on.  Diet going okay.  Had to set some mouse traps as they are getting out of hand.  Realized I had a plan to initiate something with someone but forgot what the plan was.  Perhaps hypnosis therapy could be helpful.
 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have no plan to execute for the day and so fall into directionless browsing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself in my ability to keep myself afloat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to be angry with others and blame others for things of the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not wipe my slate clean and start fresh