Tues Dec 20
Bought a car today as X was
gracious enough to drive me to the dealership. It has a lot of miles
on it, however I feel some relief after all I have been through over
the past few weeks. Feeling a little antsy. Wish I had the car
today, but I can wait a couple days.
Is there anything constructive I can do
with my time? Seems like I am wasting time that could be used doing
something helpful or something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to Abandon myself as the physical in favor of
mental fantasies, because I created a subconscious fear that Real
Life in the physical will not live up to my expectations, and so I
justified to myself that to be real will inevitably be 'not worth the
effort or risk', or worse, I will be embarrassed/ashamed of myself
for trying to accomplish what is generally accepted and believed to
be ridiculous and or impossible.
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