Day 321

Sat Dec 17

Headaches all week. Pizza dough is harmful for my system.

Car issues.

Was very angry upon hearing the news of all the work that needed to be done on the vehicle. 2200. Thought things would go very bad and mechanic would not give me back my car, however he had not done much work on it and gave it back to me for only $50. So now I am stuck with a useless car with no brakes.

I have been extremely angry with myself over the Toyota, as I received an email from the guy who bought it saying that the only problem was a broken hose. Very frustrating. Why did I not have it looked at by the auto mechanic? I was angry at them and I ASSUMED they would not be able to fix the problem. Major problem with assumptions. I often ASSUME the worst - which only makes matters worse. That mistake has cost me an estimated $5000 in lost work, lost vehicle, time, money and effort spent on a second hand junk car, time wasted looking for a vehicle, time wasted taking it back and forth from the mechanic. Money wasted on tools, frustrations, customers lost, no new customers acquired, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc... What a fucked up situation... all because I ASSUMED the vehicle was unfixable. How fucking stupid am I? I cannot fucking believe I allowed that to happen.

Perhaps it is reflecting a point with regards to me jumping to conclusions and not seeing the actual, physical nature of problems in reality. Pretty sad considering how much time and effort I have put into applying myself in doing that very thing. I guess I have overestimated myself and neglected to see my own assumptions. I am very angry with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS, and make incorrect ASSUMPTIONS which are not in line with the actual, physical, reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and punish myself over and over through me not recognizing this point within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the same mistakes, over and over and over and over, complicating matters for myself and compounding problems.