Day 339

Jan 5 2017

Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because I have not lived up to what I believe would have been my fullest potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my self created judgments from myself.

Live forgiveness

Part 2

Why happiness is not real. Reasons.

(From Desteni video on appreciation)

What is Value? What values contribute to the ultimate value? What principles contribute to the ultimate value?

What De-Value's me and my value?

Value/worth/appreciation leads to trust, as a guide (Sam)

Appreciation is a growing or increasing or giving of value. Can be expressed through gratefulness towards X.

We are aware of monetary value, and how that changes through physical depreciation.

Strange how I seem to be quite limited in my capacity to think outside the box. I do not see opportunities when problems present themselves, because I have been dishonest with myself in thinking that I must suppress myself in order to please others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be less than the best that I could have been in the past, and less than the best that I can be here in the present, for myself and as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself, in that I have feared myself - thinking that I was in some way evil in nature at the core of myself, which I realize to not be the case whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself in past, present, and future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all of my efforts are in vain, thus what is the point of even trying to change myself, or do what I believe is 'right'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my past mistakes, as my misunderstandings of myself and how existence was reflecting back to me, and so use the judgment as points of regret and condemnation so that I will remain stagnant and give up on my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by the negative feeling of depression because of feelings of regret and self judgment of past misunderstandings of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that an energy fix is the solution to my regret and self judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misunderstand myself and how I work, and how all of existence works as a reflection of myself and what I accept and allow within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be seduced and seduce myself with energy, allowing it to supplant self honesty self trust and my the real expression of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself where self compromise was unnecessary. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in and accept a substitution for self honesty as that which is not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to tempt myself with energy as a means of tantalizing myself (torture) through creating the belief that something is unobtainable, or forbidden (intimacy, self acceptance, belonging, expression) through self-created and inherited moralities, and so creating the fear that I will not be able to obtain this 'unknown' aspect of myself which is fear of loss, fear of shame, and fear of death (as a point of eternal separation - within that, denial of intimacy, acceptance, and expression/love), thus compounding that fear, and creating the actual experience of me believing myself to be inferior to my desire - thus extreme frustration, inner rage, ultimately leading to self hatred, isolation, shame, and self diminishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not recognize aspects of myself and how to direct myself and/or correct myself to create myself in line with the principle of what is best for all existence/Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify self dishonesty or self harm directly or indirectly in any way (thought/word/deed).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and so prevent myself from recognizing and realizing the magnificence of and as the utmost potential within creating what is best for all Life here on this plane.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my recognition and realization of the separated planes of existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not resolve my energetic issues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow guilt to be the director of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create false expressions of myself as deceptive thoughts, words, and actions.

What is self expression? Asking myself again after I have asked the question of myself many years ago but never really had a clear understanding.

So I find myself asking myself within that 'what would I like to create' not just as myself, but as all of existence. Which in turn the only answer would be what is necessary to be created as Equality as Life so that we stop all enslavement and Life can express itself unconditionally. So self expression would as a necessity be an outflow of that which supports, facilitates, helps, and participates in the creation process of Equality as Life.,.. which must be done in self honesty and self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use food as an outlet (replacement, coping mechanism, mode of escape)for inner frustration and dissonance - where I try to separate myself from what I need to address and change about myself, signified by the inner conflict, anxiety, and discomfort within myself.

I find myself attempting to purify my past, as the moments where I see and realize that I did not take responsibility for myself. Correct and forgive the memories so that I can be here and moving myself.