Day 145 – Embracing Change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define myself and my physical body within and as consciousness as opinion based on my fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to change to give myself the enjoyment of being here without fears or self-judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own judgement of myself – projected from the past into the future - and therefore create a belief that I cannot transcend a point, thus creating myself within and as an excuse out of fear, rather than trusting myself to stand Equal within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea that ‘I don’t fit in’ or ‘belong’ anywhere out of fear of myself, when in fact the very idea of having to ‘fit in’ or ‘be-long’ is created in self-judgement as fear of change and fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to serve the selfish idea of who I am rather than be myself, accept myself, and embrace myself here, as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert unnecessary strain on my physical body out of fear of myself, not considering my responsibility to myself as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be more than the physical body that lives in Equality with all things, and supports what is best for all life.   In so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within myself desires for energetic experiences which consume my physical body in spite of myself as all.

I commit myself to accept and embrace myself as who I am here as the physical so that I can change myself and all Life can be supported.

I commit myself to realize that the starting point of myself has for a very long time been fear, as fear of myself in self-dishonesty, which I must face and change to create myself the directive principle of myself as what is best for all Life.

I commit myself to challenge myself to change the limitations I have imposed on myself and created in my mind as beliefs and opinions – to take responsibility to fully be here in each moment as breath.

I commit myself to challenge others as I would like others to challenge me – rather than submitting to and accepting a system of fear – to change, so that we can learn what it is to support each other to support Life Equally.

Day 139 – Reason to Live

Woke up this morning and it occurred to me.  It’s Saturday.  I remember being a kid, Saturdays were so fun, I would get up in great anticipation and watch cartoons, and then enjoy my time playing with friends.  It seemed like an exciting adventure.

Today when I woke up, I realize I did not want to get up, because I have no personal desire or ‘reason’ to live.  Sure there are some mildly enjoyable moments, like eating, or writing, or watching a movie. I suppose sex and intimacy could be included, but that I have found to be brief, self-comforting medication only to pacify the greater issue.  All of the love in this world is used as a justification to remain in ignorance and not take responsibility.  The only thing there is to ‘gain’ in this world is selfish experiences… and that is not gain, it is denial and diminishment.  

When we realize how we have created ourselves in this world of the lifeless and selfish… all for profit, competition, and money -excitement, adventure, hopes, and fantasies we had of living, all fade, and are exposed for the false ideals that they were.

We are slaves to our own creation, as selfish desires and therefore we are completely subject to the horrible consequences of such.  Working and fighting merely to survive in hell.  No wonder I have to push myself to get out of bed.  My whole life I thought there was actually something to gain, which created excitement in me as energy, which I lived on as the fuel for the experience of myself.  Realizing the fallacy in this, what joy is there in living, as long as the rest of the world suffers and is enslaved?  Minimal at best.

I see why many people do not wish to face the truth of themselves, because if they did, then they would have to give up their energetic reason for living – as it is always self interest – and that does not serve the best interest of All to stop the abuse of life. 

Equal Money will change everything.

Day 110 – Roots of Selfishness

Looking at my experiences when have allowed myself to go into thoughts and memories because I would rather not ‘be here’ as breath… typically because I am doing something I don’t want to do, such as heading to work, where fear and anxiety come up.   I want to avoid the situation, make myself feel better, disappear in to ‘my happy place’ in my mind… because I create the idea that ‘work’ is a negative experience – as it is tied to money as enslavement, as something I am forced to do.  As well I feel that I am being judged based on my performance and ability to ‘produce’ a good result based on the customers expectations.

I see where I have judged myself in the past if I did not meet up to expectations of others.  I have come to realize that I can only do what I am able to do, as my physical body has limitations.  So I have for the most part released that form of judgement on myself.  I don’t really mind the work most of the time.  Here though, is the stress factor, of having to work so fast that I am able to make a profit, along with not making mistakes and doing a good job  – so there is fear of the future as not having enough income to support myself.  I see this as fear of my own self judgement – as the fear of loss and fear of death.  Still discontent with who I am and what I have allowed myself to become. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into thoughts and memories for temporary ‘mind-highs’ - because I want to escape the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed in my world, and so I am reluctant to face the consequences I have created for myself here in each moment.   I realize that I cannot escape myself, nor does it make the situation any better when I try to escape into my mind – It only perpetuates the addiction to energy as spite.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work as a ‘negative experience’ of myself because I fear failure, fear loss, and fear the judgement of myself and others.  In this,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing money and time, as selfish experiences of myself.  I realize that these experiences are necessary consequences that have played out in order for me to see who I am, and face myself as what I have accepted and allowed to exist here as me.  Thus it is supportive to myself and my process of understanding myself.  I realize I have to let go of the self-created idea of who I am as ‘separate’ – so that I can realize myself, as an interconnect part of my existence as a whole.
  
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough income to support myself.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the selfish desire for ‘free time’ and ‘easy money’ wherein I seek my own self interest, or seek to boost my own ego/mind system with the idea that I could be better, have a better life, and or do things that would grant me more fun and enjoyment, as well as the admiration of others.   I realize that the first and primary responsibility I have is to become absolutely self honest with myself, so that I can rid myself of all fears, greed, and selfish delusion, and so become physical, and real with myself.  This is the only way I will free myself from the anxiety of self judgement and selfish desires, and in so I will actually be able to enjoy myself for real, for the first time ever.
Actually, the only reason for my anxiety, is because I know I am not absolutely honest with myself yet, I am not here taking responsibility for myself as all in every breath yet, and so I fear that about myself, fearing that I cannot do it, based on my past fuck ups.  I fear myself, because my mind fears losing the personal experiences of the selfish energy highs in my mind.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on my past experiences of myself – condemning myself in the idea that I cannot do it, creating an image of myself that I have too many systems, my selfish desires are too strong, or that I am too weak to stand absolutely equal with myself as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the energy highs of my mind - because my mind tells me that all I will experience will be ‘negative’ or ‘neutral’ all the time – Yet I realize that this is projection of my mind, not the actuality of me here.

My mind fears that it will take so much energy just to direct my breathing all the time, thus I fear losing the idea of myself as who I have defined myself as within my mind as energy, and  so I project that fear onto another self created idea of ‘who I would be’ (negative and/or neutral) if I stop my mind and take complete responsibility for myself in every breath.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping the energy highs of the mind because my mind tells me that “I am wasting good experiences”.  This comes from the self-definition I have created myself as a ‘non-wasteful’ person, or someone who does not like to waste things, as the fear of loss, fear of self-judgement, and fear of death.  In so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the ‘positive’ energy experiences because I fear ‘wasting the experience of myself’ in the fear of loss, fear of self-judgement, and fear of death.  I also forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as ‘non-wasteful’ in the belief that I am better than others in my world who I have defined as ‘wasteful’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent life, because I feel I was never given a fair chance to understand myself, and thus I made errors that cost me myself.  I realize that this life, and this realization is my opportunity to realize myself here. 

I commit myself to take this opportunity within this life to realize myself for myself and all so that I can rid myself of the guilt, shame, anxiety and resentment that I feel towards myself.
I commit myself to face my fears within writing so that I can realize where I am not taking responsibility for myself so that I may be as effective as humanly possible without fear of judgement, loss or death.
I commit myself to realize that the situations that I face in my reality are here to support me to self-realization, and in that, I am able to stop self-judgement so that I can stand equal to my world and reality in taking responsibility for what is here as myself as all.
I commit myself to stop all mind-created ideas and projections of ‘who I would be’ should I stop the positive, negative and neutral energy experiences within myself, which I realize are the desire for selfish experiences of myself in separation from myself as my mind.

Day 20 - What would you do with a Million Dollars?

What images flashed in your head?

Would you explore the world, entertain and be entertained, buy expensive gifts for yourself and others? Would you use all your free time doing things that you enjoy, and so leverage your time to gain fame, recognition, or even more wealth!?  

Most people desire money, because in this current world system, money can buy virtually any desire we have... even love!  Look at the point - If you have money, not only can you survive, but you will have access to all the necessities and luxuries to support your life.  Additionally, you can live a clean, rich and healthy lifestyle, with lots of free time, free from life threatening stresses many without money face in our world daily.  Many people will want to be around you (especially members of the opposite sex) because you have lots of money, even if you are an ass, its really not that hard to put on a fake face and act out a likeable personality - just look around you, everyone is doing it, everyone is a faker for money.  Rather disgusting isn't it.

Oh but you're not a faker you say?   Really?  Take a moment to ask yourself if you have any personal desires such as money, happiness, friends, career, home, travel.

Do you realize that every one of your desires is actually a FEAR in disguise?

Yes, interestingly your desires are not real in fact, because you are living in denial of yourself and supporting your fears, and fear is not real - it is self-deception. 

Money not only changes who you are, but actually DICTATES who you are.  In fact, you are not true to who you really are because of money.  Money - as the manifestation of greed and self-interest - rules this world. It is utterly corrupt and abused, and since we are all subject to money, we too are greedy and corrupted, and so it ruins our lives.  Only we do not see to what extent it does so, because we have been programmed to accept the system as 'just the way it is' and 'unchangeable'.  The truth is, we only accept it as unchangeable because we do not desire to change ourselves - because we see no money in it for us!!

And so the program runs in a loop.  We program our children to be better than others so they can win and get money.  Our children then succumb to personal desires and abuse money in self-interest and fear for their survival.  Through those desires they then accept the system as unchangeable and so fear changing themselves... and so the cycle of abuse continues.  

There is only ONE desire that is not fear based, and that is EQUALITY.  Within Equality and an Equal Money System where everyone's needs are met, we can stop fear and self-interest entirely. We can change ourselves to stop abuse and corruption, and live in the best interest of all.

There is no excuse to live in fear and denial of ourselves.  No excuse for being a faker.  We all reap the consequences if we allow greed and selfish desires to persist.  This leaves only one question: 

Will you stand for all Life within Equality, and support an Equal Money System, or will you try to hide in your selfishness.   My challenge to you is to see past your ego and fears, to stop being a faker and investigate Desteni and Equal Money.