Day 185 - Conflict Dream Deconstruction

Woke from a dream this morning. I was in an apartment building looking for a place to stay, having been evicted from my previous one. There were 3 to choose from and each one had its share of issues, was small and cramped and damp with many layers of paint to hide god knows what. I was searching for the landlord and ran into some guy who 'was only acting in his place' and did not take responsibility for anything. He walked backwards away from me as I inquired, holding his hands in the air in defense as if to say 'hey I just work here'. He said the real landlord would be by shortly. I then paid a visit to my relatives who lived in a nearby apartment thinking maybe I could get a better place through them somehow. They had what looked like a nice place, but not really on closer examination. I looked at this strange bundle of wires that were right near me, all clumped up. One of the wire-caps fell off, and as I tried to put it back on another cap fell off, and another. I was afraid of getting an electric shock as this big wiry mess was getting dangerous.

Looking at this dream, I see it representing a number of fears I have within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a place to stay and fear of not being satisfied with the place which I am staying at. I realize that where ever I am is where I have placed myself within allowing consequences to play out in my life through not taking responsibility for myself in dealing with what is necessary to be dealt with in self-honesty.
The man I 'met' as the substitute for the landlord representing my mind as the program acting in place of the real me, denying any responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a substitute of myself as a programmed character take the place of myself so that I could avoid my responsibility to myself and all and not have to face myself in self-honesty.

I see the clump of wires as systems and energetic conduits which have not been dealt with and I have been in fear to deal with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect dealing with systems within myself which appear hazardous. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dealing with these systems in fear of myself getting 'shocked' and/or injured. I realize that the systems must be carefully dealt with to prevent consequences.

My relative hooked me up with some girl who had a nicer place so I went to stay there with her. It turns out that all of my relatives were at war with this girl and they showed up attempting to take something back which she had apparently stolen. So here I was caught in the middle of this big fight having to choose sides, which I ended up abandoning the girl, yet not taking sides with my relatives either.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being caught in the middle of conflict and so having to take sides. In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making decisions in the fear that I will make the wrong decision. I realize that the only decision to be made is what will stand as best for everyone.

Later I found one of my relatives standing outside looking at a scene in the sky.. it was a battle with spaceships and everything. Interestingly he was using some kind of hand-device to participate in the battle. Wow I thought to myself, as he mentioned that I should check out the spaceship right behind me, which I did. I went in and investigated around, there were people inside all in chairs busy attending to duties related to the war. I went to the back of the ship and noticed a chair with a virtual reality training program. Perfect I thought, as I sat down and hooked myself up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself through participating in virtual reality in the belief that that will assist my process of standing and dealing with the actual physical reality.

I was transported to a bus, immediately as I stepped on the bus I was met by a large, aggressive man with a big gun in his hand. He was sweaty and had a military type demeanor. As I moved along toward the back of the bus I noticed all of the male passengers were soldiers who were participating in the war. Each one of them had scars on their face, some of them were well beyond repair, and some were on the verge of death. Suddenly I was thrust into battle. It was all a blur of shouting and banging noises and sure enough, I got my own scar across my face. I couldn't believe that I had been coerced into this battle. When I got back to the bus, I wanted to leave, but I knew there would be threats against me and my life. Again I was faced with the choice of taking sides. The last thing I recall is looking at the military boss and saying to him in defiance “I will take you down”. Shortly after that he was replaced by a new military boss in a fresh blue suit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame someone else for coercing me into a situation rather than me taking responsibility for whatever situation I have accepted and allowed myself to be in, and so resolve the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, rather than deal with each situation/construct/character within myself, try to fight my way out of my situation through conflict with myself. I realize that conflict is not the solution to my problems and inner battles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to escape the situation rather than face and deal with what I have accepted and allowed head on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act on the fear of trying to escape the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire conflict with the military boss rather than addressing the issue of how that character came to be within myself and so solving the issue through self-forgiveness and corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the creation of a new upgraded character within myself as represented by the military boss in the fresh blue suit.

I commit myself to face all the characterizations within myself and resolve the conflicting beliefs and identities and so stop the hierarchical enslavement and separation within myself through self-forgiveness and corrective application.

I commit myself to use the characters of my thoughts/feelings/emotions/ideas/beliefs/opinions in my mind to assist me to show me what needs to be changed within myself so that I can take responsibility to stand Equal to myself within and without until no separation exists.   

Day 96 - Dream Reflection

Dream

I was on a couch beside a TV (not watching it) 'Person A' was sitting on a chair... I Asked Person A a question regarding breathing, Person A understood and interpreted my question as me wanting to be a portal - Person A appeared to grow increasingly attractive with a growing smile as if to convey a sense of certainty and urgency. I focused intently at her right eye (which appeared as a greenish color) in attempt to understand the message she was conveying. She informed me that "111 portals are needed to solve/save myself - we are currently at 14". There was a slight fear that came up with that knowledge. I was slightly disappointed with myself, and slightly jealous that I was not yet able to leave my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as pride as the desire to leave my body, existing within the desire to 'save myself' and 'save the world' and 'do good' when what I am actually doing is seeking to escape myself and the work that I need to do on myself here, as deleting my memories, stopping energy addictions, and directing my breath. I realize this desire is actually a fear of facing myself and changing myself to take responsibility and live within and as my physical body as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and be disappointed with myself within my process where I have created a fear of who I am, as not being able to take full responsibility for who I am and what I have created myself as - as existing within the mind of Pride/Ego/Vanity and Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the beauty system where I define myself and others as beautiful or ugly. I realize that desiring beauty is existing in and as fear of myself where I am seeking a positive energy experience and so seeking to avoid the negative energy experience. I realize that hiding from ugliness is defining myself in polarity based on personal opinion and thus denying myself as who I am here as the physical. All must be taken into consideration Equally as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within desiring to have more knowledge of life, as if knowledge of Life would save me from myself, when knowledge is not Life. I realize this is a manifestation of the Fear of not being able to become Life myself - this rather than apply myself and push myself to realize myself in each moment HERE, through breathing and deleting memories as they come up with self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not have enough value - as a statistic based on knowledge - to be Life. I realize that this is a false perception within my mind which keeps me in an imaginary character of myself as the mind, which is preventing me from realizing myself and becoming the directive principle of myself as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the act of Smiling as a stimulation and in so created the simulation of life which can only function through the stimulus of mind/energy as polarity - rather than actually living as Self-directed Equals in common sense.

I commit myself to face myself as the dimensions of myself which I have created in trying to escape myself in order that I may align myself with Equality as what is best for all through stopping my mind as memories and desires/fears.

I commit myself to walk myself out of the dimensions I have created for myself so that I can live as a physical being here in applying myself to realize myself here as an Equal in every way.

I commit myself to realize that in order for me to pass through 'the eye of the needle', I must take full responsibility for who I am and all that I have created and all that I will create in the past so that all align with the principle of Equality as Best for All.

I commit myself to make breathing with myself as the director - a habit in which I am constantly pushing myself to be aware of every breath until the mind has no power over me to enslave me to a program.

I commit myself to transform myself into a person that actually cares about life for real, so much so that I become the living expression of what is best for all in every way. 

I commit myself to realize that Desteni is the only group of human beings that are actually working on a solution that would actually SOLVE every problem in the world without creating any new problems. 

I commit myself to realize that dreams are an illusion created through consciousness as a reflection of who I am as the physical, and in so dreams are able to assist me solely for the purpose of stopping my selfish desires and fears so that I can take responsibility for myself as birthing myself as Life in the physical.  

I delete the memory of the dream