Throughout my years of being cloned - and cloning myself - I developed an affinity towards a particular pattern. Although it was clearly spiteful and self-destructive in hind-sight, it is quite fascinating to now realize how I am able to use this pattern of 'giving-up' or 'self-rejection' to easily spot behavior patterns of the past which I directly need to face. This provides keys to working my way out of my shell, or removing the bricks in the wall I constructed for myself.
I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of 'giving up' and or 'sulking' -
withdrawing my participation in an attempt to sabotage myself and so make everyone feel bad, through the belief that the problem is impossible, or there is no solution but self-defeat. I realize that I must take responsibility to stop my thoughts of self-judgment, and the corresponding emotional
reactions of blame and self-pity, so that I can stand as the solution
to myself and all, in bringing about a world that is Best for All in Equality.
I also realize within this, that I must not judge or blame myself for not being able to do everything all by myself, and that I will always be more effective with the help of others. I also realize that others may be more inclined or adept at certain tasks than I am, and in so it is not to be offended by the skills of another, but to find what skills I have to offer, as everyone has an equal and essential part to play as the whole of existence learns how to cooperate and use what is here.
When and as I see myself going into a state of 'withdrawal', 'giving-up' or 'emotional reactions of blame or judgment' - I stop and clear my starting point to here within breath. I recognize the pattern and change myself within the realization that I must take responsibility to direct myself in living and doing what is best for all in each moment.
I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to differ blame onto my parents -
for labeling and defining me as 'sulking', or 'suck-hole' or 'having a fit' or 'temper tantrum' in which I had the
reaction of extreme inner anger at being teased, defined, belittled,
and diminished - thus preventing me from actually seeing and
realizing the point I actually needed to face, of what I was allowing in withdrawing myself from situations – was not helping myself or anyone, only compromising
myself in anger, blame, resentment, and selfishness because things did
not turn out the way I expected them to, I felt less than, and I did not understand myself as Equal to All.
I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to react to words that my parents
used – seeing the words as threatening, while it was my own
self-judgment that allowed me to compromise myself through me
resisting change and wanting to blame others.
I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to use the coping mechanism of
withdrawing myself - as a way of me trying to manipulate my reality,
rather than actually expressing how I feel about a situation - such
as me feeling left out, and so searching for, and working towards a
solution where everyone and all are included.
Resistance is my assistance to dissolve the limitations of my existence.
I commit myself to
investigate all confrontations where I experience a resistance or reaction within
me to words someone is using to define me, and within that to clear
all reactions within myself - so that I can observe myself from a
non-judgmental and non-reactive state, to see if there are any points
of self-dishonesty within myself that need to be addressed and
aligned to change myself to living what is best for all.
I commit myself to within breath awareness, push myself to face all points of denial, judgement, or fear of facing myself so that I can learn what it is to stand for Life and change myself to become Life.
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