158 - Questioning the Universe

Caught myself pondering the vast mysteries of the Universe this evening.  I was going to blog about something 'er other but of course, someone had to go and fiddle with my kaleidoscope again, messing up the perfect little image I had of everything... OK.  Looking at this whole thing from a new perspective now.  I was watching a documentary on the universe narrated by Morgan Freeman, sitting in my chair I dosed off in the first 5 minutes, only to awake to catch the last 3 minutes or so.  At the end he was speaking about scientists definition of life, and what parameters they put on weather or not something is actually considered life or not, (for those unaware, as the scientists, everything has awareness lol)  ex. Does it replicate itself? - In which case many things such as machines or even cars may do so in a factory, where robots carry out instructions rather like DNA would be used as the blueprint.... this is somewhat besides the point.

So having all of my background understanding from the Desteni material, as well as perspectives of beings  brought through the inter-dimensional portal whom have done interviews from the afterlife, I began to consider the fact (as I had heard) that a 'being' can span multiple bodies.  This I find interesting, yet somewhat awkward to grasp, as how can a body, or cell, or organism... be itself as an individual, as well as part of other bodies, cells, or organisms at the same time as if to comprise itself of 2 or more 'life' embodiment's/beings?

This seemed strange to me... I have no doubt that there are more than likely perspectives and answers to this that I have not yet been privy to, in which case I remain content with the fact that I will understand more in time.  It was then that I considered something that I have already 'known' from a certain perspective, yet perhaps not entirely.

Until several years ago, I had been living my whole life within the assumption that I am a separate being.  So looking back at my childhood, my whole starting point of who I am - as who I understood and believed myself to be - was based on this assumption that -- I am separate from reality.  Rather Frightening.  This 'idea' or belief that 'I am separate' from my reality induces a tremendous amount of fear, if one perceive and consider the actuality that - I am subject to death - Death, as the untimely, untamed, and unknown monster, more evil and sinister than my greatest known fear.  The fact that it is not talked about or discussed by my parents, whom are the living representation of God to me, only re-enforces this great fear I have of death within me.  It is apparent to me that no one can actually save me from a potentially random terrifying experience, in which case I would have to face God knows what... the indoctrinated idea of hell, or my worst fear of all, non-existence.

This experience of fear, now deeply suppressed, becomes a driving force which impacts and creates my experiences of myself.  It also causes me to question who I am, but it is clear that I do not even know myself, and can only guess and 'make-believe' answers, which children frequently do. Is it any wonder that we grasp after definitions, labels, personalities, opinions and classifications of ourselves, desperately seeking to answer the question we are unable to even formulate?  Although we cannot calculate precisely, we can certainly observe the consequences in our world, of our collective irresponsibility as parents - deliberately neglecting to address this fear of death within children and themselves, rather preferring to focus on achieving egotistical goals of morality, education, and financial success. In so, many of us have yet to realize the full impact of this indescribable shame, yet we will all see soon enough, as the time has come to reap what we have sewn.  This, besides the fact that this world is already living hell for millions.

Who I am, as this 'Belief of myself' as a separate being - is really just another bubble, which eventually has to burst.  As long as I am here, I am a participant in this shared physical reality. I could say from a certain perspective that 'Who I am', as this experience of myself, is actually the Universe in totality, indirectly experiencing itself as me, through this physical body.  So I must abolish that part of me that is an illusion - the parasite - which is the belief I have always selfishly believed myself to be - so that I can be here in existence solely to share and express myself in the best interest of all life, in so creating myself as Equal to Life.  As Jesus said... I am the way - funny I always assumed that meant 'He' was the way, not understanding that Life can only exist in Equality, as standing Equal to All things.

Join The Journey to Life Group on Facebook and check out the Free Course provided by Desteni which is great Self Support.

Day 93 - Tarot Self-Reflection Part 2

Note:  I do not promote Tarot as a tool unless one fully understand the fundamental principles of Equality.

The card not shown but at the center of the cross, represents the atmosphere surrounding the central issue. Six of Pentacles (Success): A time of prosperity and profit. Success and generosity in material things. Power and influence turned to noble pursuits. Philanthropy, and the balancing of physical and spiritual life. May suggest gifts or aid to one in need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek comfort and relaxation as when I have a feeling that things are going OK with myself.  This is my acceptance of myself through false perception - seeing myself as separate, unfocused and neglecting the rest of myself as if it were not my responsibility.  I realize that I have programmed my whole life around avoiding responsibility to myself and the rest of existence, avoiding anything that would appear to threaten my 'mindset' in a  attempting to 'just survive and be content' - trying to save myself from the evil of the world in false humility.  I realize that I have allowed these programs to run in my subconscious mind as subtle self-beliefs that I am right and doing the right things, the best I can, and that is the only way I know how to be happy - for myself in self-interest of course, without considering who I actually am as Equal to my world and reality. Its fucking amazing how I understand this and have seen and understood the point before, but completely forgotten.  I realize I have to look at the point from all angles and walk it from every perspective I have created so that I can stop the entire program.

I commit myself to GIVE all that I have and all that I am to Life.



The card visible at the center of the cross represents the obstacle that stands in your way - it may even be something that sounds good but is not actually to your benefit. Seven of Cups (Temptation): Daydreams and things seen in the glass of contemplation. The scattering of energies by strong desires and unrealistic goals. The pursuit of illusions and the dissipation of energy on false choices. Intoxication, delirium, and hallucination, leading to the negation of effort. Under rare and extreme circumstances, may indicate the revelation of transcendental spiritual truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pursue illusions as memories and fantasies of my mind which allow me to temporarily feel better about myself in the illusion of separation.  I realize that I have allowed myself to be drawn into the mind out of feelings of discontentment (as fear of missing/losing out on an experience - which in turn is based on the fear that I will never get another chance to have such an experience/fear of aging) and desire for experiences as good feelings for my self in self interest as false perception.  I realize that this is the trap in which I feel I deserve a certain type of experience based on comparison and self-pity, which is not real because my ideas of comparison are based on false perception of myself and the other - as seen through the eyes of the mind system, not actually seeing the whole picture of myself as who I really am and who others really are.

I commit myself to see myself as Equal and One, and NOT through the eyes of the mind.

I commit myself to realize that if I don't apply myself within my application, I can be - and am not above being - seduced by the subtlety of the mind.

The card at the top of the cross represents your goal, or the best you can achieve without a dramatic change of priorities. Eight of Wands (Swiftness): A sudden release of raw power, cutting through confusion and indecision, and setting things in motion. Rapid progress towards a desired goal, brought about by immediate and decisive action. Boldness and daring in love, business, travel, or spiritual growth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself within the belief that I cannot stop myself when being seduced into a desire for an experience or to entertain a memory in my mind. I realize that the mind does not want to give up on its desire for experience thus I am accepting and allowing the mind to dictate its desire without seeing the starting point of the desire and how it compromises me.  In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuses and justifications of the mind as the suggestions of - fear of loss of the experience - if I stop the desire for the experience and direct myself.  In so, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to fear of loss of the experience as suggested by the mind and so give up on myself.  I realize I need to stop myself and breathe within these situations so that I can understand the starting point and what and why such experiences are transpiring - as showing me what I have accepted and allowed myself to become so that I can change myself to live what is Best for All, despite the fact that it appears I will suffer if I 'lose' the opportunity to experience myself in selfish desire.

I commit myself to stop myself and take directive principle in all situations.

The card at the bottom of the cross represents the foundation on which the situation is based. The Magician, when reversed: Trickery, demagoguery, and artful deceptions. The use of knowledge and skill for selfish gain or destructive purposes. The abuse of technology. Incompetence and uncertainty. A lack of will power. A fatal flaw in a great work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-will to the mind of desires and selfish gain.

I commit myself to realize when I am being directed and controlled by the mind as selfish desire, and when I am living as directive principle of myself. 

The card at the left of the cross represents a passing influence or something to be released. Seven of Wands (Valor): Standing courageously for your beliefs in the face of adversity. Fear of failure overcome by the will to succeed. Great obstacles met with heroism and determination. Inner strength brought to bear at a critical moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust in the character I have created as VALOR/BRAVE/COURAGEOUS.  I realize that within this character I believe myself to be 'better than' others as a hero, which only causes me to go into guilt because it is not by VALOR as a character that I become life, it is through self-honesty as seeing myself as Equal and taking responsibility - any ideas of myself as better than due to characterization are of the mind and delusion.

I commit myself to realize myself as Equal, and that no character traits are able to assist me in any way.

The card at the right of the cross represents an approaching influence or something to be embraced. Two of Cups (Love), when reversed: Instability in romance, friendship, or business. A deep infatuation that excludes existing friends. A false promise or premature commitment. The entanglement of male and female interpreted in the broadest sense. The profaning of the sacred through the introduction of base desire. Folly, depletion, and waste. May suggest conflict, divorce, or a severing of ties.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I see desires within myself, embrace the experience rather than fear or try to hide from it, so that I can see the starting point of what I have already created within myself and deconstruct the point.  In that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self-judgement when I see a point of desire within myself.

I commit myself to live self-forgiveness, as there is no other way to live.

The card at the base of the staff represents your role or attitude. Nine of Wands (Strength): A pause in the current struggle to ready oneself. Preparation to meet the final conclusive onslaught. Forces assembled in anticipation of trials and tribulations. The steeling of the will to stand or fall. A line drawn in the sand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the character of 'strength' and 'being strong'.  I realize that the strength character attribute creates weakness within myself as I am attempting to validate myself as 'being strong' as a character.  Obviously within comparing myself to the physical my apparent strength is virtually non-existent and a pathetic joke which deludes me and prevents me from realizing myself as Equal to and as the physical.

I commit myself to realize that there is a deadline and so I commit myself to realize myself in this life

The card second from the bottom of the staff represents your environment and the people you are interacting with. Knight of Cups, when reversed: The dark essence of water behaving as fire, such as a flash flood: Deceptive charm in the service of intense insecurity and rapidly shifting moods. Selfishness, indolence, and a complete lack of maturity. Misguided idealism divorced from practicality. Destructive romantic passions and infidelity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by my mind as belief through the justification of 'if I could only get some help' or 'I need something/ outside myself' and so allow that justification to go unchecked and lead me into thoughts/desires which accumulate and ultimately lead me into a situation where I am acting in self-interest.

I commit myself to see past appearances as what may appear to be helpful, may actually be harmful through subjecting myself to unnecessary consequence.

The card second from the top of the staff represents your hopes, fears, or an unexpected element that will come into play. Page of Pentacles, when reversed: The dark essence of earth, such as a chasm: Unfavorable news about business, finance, or the physical world. One who delights in all forms of luxury and physical excess, leaving practical matters unattended. Irrationality and failure to recognize obvious facts, coupled with a poor work ethic. Wastefulness, lack of focus, and loss. May portend the loss of a job or promotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear working as fear of having to do things that I perceive to be negative experiences.

I commit myself to realize that it is in facing my perceived fears I am able to transcend limitations and false perceptions within my mind and so expand myself.

The card at the top of the staff represents the ultimate outcome should you continue on this course. Five of Swords (Defeat), when reversed: Refusing to achieve success through personal degradation. Friendship maintained through the abandonment of a dishonorable gain. Slander and infamy avoided.

The outcome is Equality

Williams 7yr Journey to Life - Day 58 - Sharing Equality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that each person is as me as a physical being.  Therefore any judgement I have that is 'of my mind' is separating myself into and as that which is not physical.  I realize that the deception that pervades all of existence - as people abusing life through the secret mind, and not understanding themselves as who we are as physical - must be exposed openly, so that all may have the opportunity for self-realization.  I also realize that I cannot judge others - aside from stopping myself from participating in obvious, deliberate and spiteful behavior that clearly does not support life, in which case it is not a mental judgement but a physical, open statement of who I am, and what I will or will not allow myself to participate in. 

Anyone can, at any time, move themselves to 'wake up' to the self-realization of what is necessary to be done to stand for, and support Life as Equality.   I do not know the outcome - therefore I support all those willing to hear unconditionally, so that I may assist others as I would like to be assisted, were I in their shoes.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within my participation with others, I am accountable to share myself as who I have realized myself to be - As taking responsibility to direct and change myself into that which is best for all as Equal.  Within this realization, I am able to skillfully direct myself to assist another as myself, to see past the limitations of the mind, and to assist another to face the reality of the world we have all collectively accepted and allowed as ourselves - as the calculated, and self-willed abuse of life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confront others from the starting point of seeing myself as 'better than' because I have acquired the knowledge of Equality.  In so doing, I create a polarity friction war between them and myself, and manifest a point of separation within myself, as using knowledge to 'try to do something good' to make myself feel superior.  I realize that this only charges the mind within reactions, judgements and beliefs, in attempt to make others feel inferior within a knowledge belief system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to change others in my own self-interest.  The actuality is that I cannot change anyone, I can only assist others that wish to change themselves, as each is self-responsible, and any action that is an attempt to change another is merely manifesting a master/slave relationship or polarity war in and as the mind as ego consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my expression of self-standing in responsibility to myself, as self-trust, as embracing myself unconditionally is the best support I can offer myself or anyone else, where, my expression is not dependent on the perfection of grammar or phrases that I use, because my self-honest expression - regardless of the word configuration - is what will be the most effective in assisting others to see beyond their own fears and into their own self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the exponential outflow of each moment/opportunity as the compression of time as myself.  In that outflow, I can direct myself within and as self-honesty and so expose the deception, so that it can be eradicated and Life can be born - timeless and eternal, where all that will exist is Equality as Life forever.

I commit myself to stop all mental judgements that do not support life or what is best for all.

I commit myself to bring realization to myself as self-honest expression as me as doing what is best for all in every moment, every movement and every breath so that I can enjoy the fruit of my labor as having extracted the parasite of consciousness which has blinded me for eons of time. 

I commit myself sharing myself unconditionally to all who will hear the desteni message of Equality so that all of existence may understand and be brought to account of how we have abused Life

I commit myself to applying self-forgiveness and corrective application as well as making myself available to show others the tools that will assist one to change oneself to serve Life as what is best for all.

I commit myself to support life through the creation of an Equal Money System so that all that are here may be supported and life will be honored and given Equal value as the value of Life as what it should be.