Day 193 - Daily Reflection

Looking at the extent of the deception in people and the system, it is apparent that, despite the obviousness of abuse, any attempts to provoke realization in others are largely in vain.  I say 'vain' because not only is there little recognition or realization, but also because I myself have to look at my starting point as to why I am so 'anxious' to 'preach' about Equality to others.  Why do I insist on being so 'wise' to think that I can assist anyone to realizing themselves?  It is as if I have taken the point of caring for Life and formed it into a character of myself who thinks he's got all the answers for everyone.  I recognize the pattern within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get all worked up in my mind about sharing Equality, only to entertain the vain and charitable character, and so watch my words fall into the abyss of arrogance and self-pity.

I commit myself to focus on standing for myself as my priority point, so that I may be as effective as possible at directing myself in self-honesty, and not waste my words and efforts on a fictional character of my mind.      

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in frustration towards myself because change seems to move too slowly.  I realize that this self-judgement of myself is showing me that I must continue to push through resistances to realize change as myself in each moment.

I commit myself realize that pushing through resistances is the key to change and standing up for and as myself as change in each moment - so that I may change myself and realize my ultimate goal of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get discouraged with myself in recognizing this point within myself - where I look at my application throughout the day and see how pushing resistances appears difficult, and at times confusing - as within pushing resistances there exists some uncertainty and ambiguity.  I realize that this point is showing me that these resistances are opportunities for me to realize myself in being specific within my application, so that I can focus myself and direct myself in learning to trust myself to stand by my decisions with absolute certainty.  When and as I see my situation as difficult or confusing I slow myself down and bring myself back to breathing and doing what is necessary to be done, trusting myself that any point of dishonesty will reveal itself.

I commit myself to honor my commitment to myself in my goal of self-honesty through pushing resistances and changing myself.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in making and standing equal to my decisions as my self-movement due to past 'failure programming'.  I realize that my entire life has been taught, dictated and programmed to think and act within the success/failure construct where most experiences have been subject to failure, rejection, abandonment and criticizing, thus I accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to that very same system in an infinite loop of self-condemnation and self-judgement, ultimately creating the over-riding fear of failure.  This creates the consequence of me fearing to trust myself to make decisions and take responsibility for myself.  I realize that the process of making decisions and seeing them through to whatever end, so that I can face myself in becoming self-honest with myself.

I commit myself to recognize any fear of failure within myself and change myself to align myself with my ultimate goal of self honesty

Also within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to the fear of futility - where I see my decisions as insignificant and of little value.  I realize that this point is showing me that I am still comparing myself to - and thus acting within the fear of - the money system.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devalue myself through comparing myself with money as the value that is dictated by the system rather than valuing myself and each decision that I make as Equal to Life.

I commit myself to stand Equal to myself as the value of Life here and work to create an Equal Money System so that Life can be dignified for everyone.

Day 92 - Tarot Self Reflection

The card in the center represents the attitude you assume.
Ten of Swords (Ruin): Crushing defeat brought about by idle intellectualism divorced from reality. Sadness and desolation in the aftermath of a catastrophic and total collapse. A decisive conclusion brought about through the swift and merciless application of overwhelming force.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the attitude of defeat, as being defeated, as the mind stuck in limitation and fear of facing myself because I am embarrassed (I'm-bare-assed!) about who I am as who I have allowed myself to become - as uncertain, not knowing myself based on self-reflection from my parents, and not the hero I made myself out to be in my mind. Within this I also fear failure, as the ultimate rejection, as the rejection I felt because my parents split up when I was young and I felt rejected.

I commit myself to change my attitude of defeat to the attitude of success within creating myself as Life, by dissolving the reasons why I feel defeated and fear facing myself

Why do I not have the will to succeed, why have I given up on myself?
- Frustration
- Giving up
- Self punishment?
- Self pity?
- Blame?
- revenge?



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the pattern of Frustration leading to Self-Pity leading to Giving up as a form of Self-punishment, Blame and thus trying to get Revenge as the abdication of Self-Responsibility for what I accepted and allowed to transpire through not seeing or accepting myself as Equal to my world and reality.

I commit myself to take full responsibility for myself and my world in so that I no longer accept and allow myself to blame or punish myself, but rather direct myself in Equalizing myself to what is here and creating the solution to all as myself as Equal Responsibility for All. 



The card to the right represents the thoughts and feelings that underly your attitudes. Nine of Wands (Strength), when reversed: Delayed preparations for an impending trial. Efforts compromised by traitors or saboteurs. The scattering of forces before the conclusive battle is fought. Ill health and faltering of the will.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the thoughts and feelings of weakness within giving up on myself based on my projected idea of how the situation will play out as knowledge of my past.

I commit myself to strengthen myself within breathing and preparing myself and strengthening my will to direct myself as Life and do what is necessary to be done.  I no longer accept and allow thoughts or feelings or beliefs of weakness as pathetic excuses of the mind.


The card at the top represents how your attitude is evolving and will evolve in the future. The Empress: The essence of femininity and matriarchy. Creativity, productivity, and the foundation of civilization. Initiative and practical actions that promote prosperity, comfort and luxury. Fruitfulness and motherhood.

As creating myself as Equal as Life



The card to the left represents how others perceive your attitude. The Hermit: Withdrawal from events and relationship to introspect and gather strength. Seeking the inner voice or calling upon vision from within. A need of understanding and advice, or a wise man who will offer knowing guidance. Personal experience and thoughtful temperance.

Each is Self-Responsible as Responsibility to All as Self.



The card at the bottom represents what you cannot confront or are hiding from yourself. Six of Pentacles (Success): A time of prosperity and profit. Success and generosity in material things. Power and influence turned to noble pursuits. Philanthropy, and the balancing of physical and spiritual life. May suggest gifts or aid to one in need.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot face success, as defined as me directing myself and my world as becoming the living decision to live what is Best for All. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being successful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear success and profit, as judgment based on my past programming of Self-punishment as opposed to Self-Acceptance and living Self-Forgiveness so Self can change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear debt, but rather I should use my debt as a means out of my current situation - in facing my accepted and allowed fears, fearlessly.

Day 86 – Risk, Fear and Judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awful 

about myself, in that I have not done as much as I could have in the past 

because I have allowed myself to get discouraged with my situation and 

regrets/resentments of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others 

through arguing in my head as backchat in the belief that others are to blame 

for that I have created.I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 

myself to judge myself as a failure and seek to give up on myself – as the 

‘good' feeling’ of spite in my mind having played the ‘ace in the hole’

where I feel better through vengeful thoughts of spite, in spite of

myself and all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear future 

outcomes based on my past where I am allowing myself to be controlled by 

fear as future projections of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself 

to myself in the past, where I believe I was doing better or worse in the 

past – not seeing the point that I am facing here.I forgive myself that I 

have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for each thought 

that comes up and so allow thoughts to go unchecked and accumulate into 

self-judgement and fear and self-sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I 

can just coast through times of relaxation without pushing myself to direct 

myself in breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to 

become jealous of others who seem to have it easy in life with a well secured 

future, without realizing that each will have to face themselves as what they 

have created themselves as, thus we all face the same future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame 

myself because I have not fully walked my self-corrections, rather than do the 

work that needs to be done to correct myself through listing all the points 

and getting to the root of the issues. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this process 

as the reason I do not have enough time to focus on work, when it is this process 

that is assisting and has assisted me to become more effective in every aspect of 

my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the process for 

me not being able to make more contacts/friends/relationships within the system, 

as within the system its “who you know” that gets you money and success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not 

standing up for Equality, when it is myself who needs to perfect myself – the 

focus is always me so that I am standing absolute within myself, and then I will 

be able to assist others effectively.I forgive myself that I have accepted and 

allowed myself to blame “how I got into process” as an excuse as to why I can 

justify inaction and self-defeat, as I have trained myself in these characters of

justification.

I commit myself to write out all necessary Self Forgiveness statements so that I 

can again clear my starting point of all that must be corrected within myself 

and in so bring myself back to the starting point of here.I commit myself to take 

points of blame back to myself, not as blaming myself, but seeing why it is that 

I want to blame others – as being an excuse, so that I can use when my fear of 

failure manifests. Therefore I realize I must face all points of fear related to 

blame and stop pretending that I have no fear – If I have blame, I have fear.

I commit myself to, when I see that I am in a state of mind of 

self-defeat/discouragement – use it as an opportunity to see what points are 

activated through writing.I commit myself realize that fear of the future is of 

the mind and not real, and that getting discouraged with myself is based on past 

experiences.

I commit myself to realize that there is no stopping Equality, and that the 

outcome of changing and aligning myself to live what is best for all has great 

reward for all life in the end, as the true beginningof life, freed from all 

enslavement forever.I commit myself to exercise my opportunity to work on myself 

and push myself to become the directive principle in my life through pushing

myself to breathe every breath and face myself, as there is no point

complaining about it or putting it off, the sooner I perfect myself,

the better for all.