Day 306

From Friday Nov 25 2016

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being betrayed, in that I fear that the process will turn me into a sissy and an ass kisser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that process will waste my time and have me doing things that are irrelevant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not have enough money to survive and hence fear going into more debt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the feeling of frustration.

I feel frustrated, losing my chess games, feel like I am wasting time, losing time, losing money, losing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete for betterness, superiority, or supremacy in anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately lose so that I can win in my mind (self pity) and be the judge of myself as a loser.

Looking into the point of why I went into the point of lust.