Day 284 - Constructive Self Criticism

I am aware of a number of points within myself which have remained for a long time and need to be addressed.  All of them are interconnected within my personality construct, so the deconstruction process is best done point by point, and layer by layer.  One point that stands out as a connector point, is cynicism or negativity.  I have learned over the years to take the worst case scenario from what will likely go wrong, and work with that.  Unless there is something tangible that I won't have to work very hard to get.  

If I were to step outside of myself for a moment and constructively criticize my life, it might go something like this.  Some of the points I see within myself which need to be addressed are... boring, stagnant, fearful of losing my freedoms, un-expressive, dull, cynical, negative, unprepared, naive, lack of direction, lack of confidence, uncertain, defeated, indecisive, not completely responsible.  


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the belief that I am boring and dull, and so go into and get stuck in the personality of being boring and dull, rather than realizing that I can challenge myself within the experience of being boring in order to counter and dispel that belief, thereby pushing my limitations and using the belief as a platform for transcendence of the mental state and self-judgment of boredom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself into a state of stagnation, where I believe that I am incapable of moving myself towards the goals I have created for myself.  I realize that, assuming I have established a firm plan or foundation, a little effort each day is all that is required to be consistent in moving myself towards my potential goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and controlled by the fear of losing my freedoms.  I realize that this fear keeps me enslaved to my comforts as my daily patterns and things that I do to keep myself occupied while I remain enslaved to this fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing myself and not challenge myself to express myself as a point of personal introspection. Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-expression because I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within condemnation and shame of how I have judged my life experience.  I realize that this process of correction takes time to walk out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the cynical character as a means of trying to escape my responsibility to be directive, and to create solutions to problems which I or others are confronted with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach problems from a negative perspective, not allowing myself to realize that this negativity is a precognicized (my word) justification for me to opt out and wash my hands of any responsibility, because I have predetermined that the risk is not worth the reward - without giving due consideration to the actual potential - because I have accepted and allowed the subtle undercurrent of fear of loss to rule over me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unprepared for my life and what may come at any moment.  I realize that walking breath by breath is the only way to be prepared in every moment.  That along with the understanding that I am responsible to create solutions which are best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed naivety to exist within myself, where I am at times unaware of what someone is attempting to communicate or do. In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed naivety as unawareness, and the taking advantage of naivety to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself within having a lack of direction.  I realize that now that my foundation is understood, my direction is able to be created, as is my responsibility to create direction for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose confidence within myself through self-judgment. I realize that confidence is something I can work on through releasing the self-judgment within myself, and realizing what, where, and when to use confidence within responsibility to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lack certainty within myself through self-judgment.  I realize that this is a point to work on, where there are things I am certain of, such as, the fact that consequence always follows dishonesty - that is certain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am defeated, and so act out my inner defeat in my outside world as the manifestation of self-pity.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity myself and blame others for me not creating myself within my full potential.  Blame is lame.  I take responsibility to correct my mind and body, to no longer blame others for what I have accepted and allowed within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain stuck within indecisiveness.  I realize that this has been a difficult point for myself relating to other factors in my life such as finances and health, yet even within those contexts I can still work with myself on learning to be decisive, to learn to trust myself in decision making, to learn that I am able to manage the decisions I make, and to learn that all decisions must lead to assisting and supporting myself and others to creating what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be not completely responsible within all areas of my life.  I realize that there are points which need work and I am committed to challenging myself within this process of becoming more and more responsible so that I can honor life as it should be honored.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for all of these points.  I realize that all of these points here are based on programming, as the outflow of what we have all accepted and allowed to exist here within this life experience, and so it is not only my responsibility, but the responsibility of everyone else as well.

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