Day 244 - Deprogramming Doubt

{Long blog post}

Direction

Doubt – General, external
Self Doubt – Personal


Sounding Doubt – out, negative, disappointed, tenseness, declination, resistance, defensiveness, cant, anger, jealousy, revenge, punish, tantrum, give up


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt in a negatively charged manner in order to achieve my own self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a means of justifying being disappointed with myself, hence justifying going into the emotional states of blame and self-pity.

I commit myself to no longer use doubt as a means of achieving emotional/energetic states and/or a means of blame.  I commit myself to expand myself and walk in self-honesty and self-trust in ways which will assist myself to create myself as what is Best for All Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the word doubt to create tenseness within me, and as such I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that this tenseness is an indicator, a communication from my physical that there is an energetic reaction going on within myself.   When and as I feel communication from my physical body with regards to a tenseness (fear), I slow myself down, stop, and breathe so that I may effectively move myself to address any fears existent within me and proceed in self-honesty and self-trust.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as an excuse to decline or withdraw my participation, and hence not investigate further as to why exactly I was in doubt.

I commit myself to fully participating within my world and reality to my fullest potential.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist situations, people, opportunities, realizations, expansion, and growth because I have accepted and allowed myself to justify doubt as being a valid excuse - when in fact, I just wanted to get out, or escape the situation, so that I could get revenge on others (whom I blamed) for not taking responsibility, while in actuality it is mine as well as everyone else's responsibility - primarily mine, as I am responsible for initiating communication regarding the issue, because others do not necessarily understand or see the problem from my perspective.

I commit myself to utilize effective communication so that no doubts may exist and I may assist myself and others to walk in self-honesty and self-trust, which is the solution to doubt.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a defensive mechanism in fear of survival, and as a tool to get what I want in self-interest.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I can't do something within the use of statistical number crunching in my head based on past experiences and how I determine a given situation will turn out, in my favor or not.  Self-Interest.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a means of venting my anger, jealousy, in attempt to get revenge and/or punish myself and others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt in order to justify me going into a tantrum/fit.

When and as I see myself going into a mental or physical tantrum/fit, I slow myself down, breathe, and move myself in trusting myself to walk self-honesty.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt in order to justify my desire to give up on myself as a means of self-sabotage/suppression so that I may manipulate/leverage the situation in order to get attention or help from others.



Reading/Writing

Experience, Definition, Relationship with doubt

The 'D' representing the negative or reversed current of energy.  D – OUT.  Negative current – Escape. The silent 'B' representing a (secret mind) double reversal within a mental excuse as the word – 'but' – as seeking a positive scapegoat (in self-interest) within the negative.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as within and excuse as 'but'.

Repression as the declination to 'try' or attempt to put effort into something.  Not seeing a worthy reward.  Attempted Sabotage through disbelief.  Fear of failure/Fear of judgment.  Doubt seems easier than acting/moving in self-trust (risk).  Justifying and laying ground work for blame.  Taking a position of knowledge rather than physical movement or calling self to action.  Abdication in frustration.    Sometimes rebellion as revenge.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a means of repression/suppression of myself, as the declination to move myself in self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the great reward of self-honesty, self-trust, self-expression and Equality as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Sabotage and/or compromise myself through use of the word doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt in disbelief within the polarity of belief/disbelief.  I realize that this ping-pong tactic of my mind distracts me from moving myself forward and doing what is necessary to be done/lived as myself Equal to my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask to hide from taking responsibility for myself within facing my fear of Failure and fear of Judgment of self/others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the easy road in using a doubt construct rather than walking/acting/moving myself in self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take a position of knowledge rather than acting in physical movement in real time, calling self to action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself and my responsibility to myself in frustration through the use of the word doubt.   I realize I must investigate the point of what it is I am actually 'doubting' to test whether it is valid, and whether there is actually a possibility for me to move myself in transcending a point to potentially grow and expand myself/my awareness/my understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use doubt as a means of getting revenge on myself and or others.



Expressions 


I doubt it. - My judgment on the situation.  Creating a resonance of negativity, (the negativity, religious ritual scene) as an outflow of distrust of myself and others that a solution can be found.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create distrust within myself through the use of the word doubt as fear, prejudice, presumption, and the desire for power and control over a situation... This based on how my inner mind functions within self-interest as justified by very loosely calculated (and topped off numbers) memory based statistics and projected outcomes.


No doubt about it. - Personality, said with flare designed to attract attention, or get a laugh in order to add value to my character, hoping I will be liked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use doubt within a phrase in order to attempt to attract attention to myself as my character/personality in order to get a laugh, hoping that others will like me. Self-Interest.


No doubt. - An agreement in words often used to justify compliance or simply fill in space.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify compliance or use words to fill in awkward spaces. I realize that silence is often best, as opposed to wasting words.


Doubter – Someone who is in descent, or disagreement of a movement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others as doubters.  I see and realize in self-honesty and self-trust what I must create within my responsibility within any given moment.


I do not doubt that... - A personally imposed belief.  Giving credence I would like to see a particular outcome as being more likely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose a belief on others through the use of the word doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a particular outcome based on self-interest through the use of the word doubt.


Without a doubt. - A statement of certainty, attempting to prove a point by stating that I personally have no doubt with regards to the subject in question.


Self-Doubt

Not knowing/trusting self.  Fearing the Unknown.  Fearing Failure.  Fearing Rejection. Fearing Humiliation.  Fearing Loss.  Fearing Anger/Repercussions.  Fearing Punishment.  Fearing Shame. Fearing Death.  Revenge as an outflow of Desire to Blame others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Religious Programming (Faith) to stand within myself as a replacement to Self-Trust, thus preventing growth and contributing to Self-Doubt.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Know myself and Trust myself in so much as I understand that I have neglected my opportunities in the past to be self-honest with myself. I realize that there is no valid excuse, which is why I am taking the time to investigate myself here, so that I may know myself and trust myself with certainty in the future, so that I will no longer serve self-interest, but rather the Best Interest of All.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself and use that as a mask to hide my Fear the Unknown.  I realize that fearing the unknown is unnecessary, as all knowledge is simply compiled information based on random perspective, therefore this fear of the unknown is invalid and there is no point in fearing the future, (as consequence, suffering and death) because that will not help alleviate the situation, but only make it worse.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask to hide my Fear Failure.  I realize that fear of failure only creates failure through prematurely giving up, thus I commit myself to stop hiding fear of failure behind the word doubt and rather face and stop creating/justifying such fears.

I commit myself to realize that failure is just another opportunity to show myself that I can forgive myself, change, and approach things a second time, giving myself a second chance as opposed to giving up and condemning myself to shame.  I do not need or desire to prove anything to anyone but myself, and I am not in competition - I commit myself to move myself in learning to trust myself, so that I may create my fullest potential in my one goal to stop the bullshit in our existence, and create this world into what is Best For All Life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask to hide Fear of Rejection.  I realize that fear of rejection stems from me not accepting myself, not trusting myself, not caring for myself - because I have in the past placed my trust in others to love and care for me, and inevitably, they had let me down because they were unable to care for me in the way in which I wanted/desired to be cared for... which was Self-Interest.  I realize that the best solution is for me to care for myself and others in the best possible way I am able - Not in Self Interest - but in a way that is Best for All, as assisting another to live their fullest potential so that All Life may be cared for Equally.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask to hide my Fear of Humiliation.  I realize that the fear of humiliation stems from me fearing to be seen as 'Less than' others, and likely even desiring to be seen as 'Better than' others, therefore the fear arises because I see the inevitable outflow of what we have accepted and allowed our world to become - complete humiliation in waiting.  Therefore there is no point fearing humiliation because it is coming whether we like it or not.  Fearing it will only make things worse.  We need to apply the solution to humiliation - which is assisting ourselves to support and stand with one another through times of humiliation.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask for me to hide the Fear of Loss. I realize that there is no point Fearing Loss, as ownership is a deception. Therefore the fear of loss is actually the fear of shame of not having taken responsibility for self. This shame is required to be faced immediately so that we may change and avoid having to face shame for eternity.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt to hide my Fear of Anger and Repercussions.  I realize that fear of anger stems from me desiring to fight for my ego, and/or to prove that I am 'better than' another.  Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to React in Anger - whether in thought, word, or deed.  This so that I may create solutions for myself and others without unnecessary violence, harm, abuse and as little suffering as possible.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt in order to hide/mask my Fear of Punishment.  I realize that the fear of punishment comes from my childhood when I would fear being punished by my parents.  I realize that I must not allow myself to be bullied by people who are bigger/stronger/louder/more intelligent than myself, therefore I must not allow myself to be moved by the fear of punishment. I realize that the fear of punishment is the fear of suffering and shame which is inevitable as the massive consequences that we have already allowed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask to hide from my Fear of Shame.  I realize that I am facing my shame and therefore there is no point in fearing shame any longer, as further fear only creates more shame.  Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear shame.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as a mask to hide from my Fear of Death.  I realize that there is no point in fearing death, as it is random, and inevitable that we must face that which we create.  I realize that this point assists us to  realize the reality of who we are so that we may learn to live and create only what is Best for All Life - thus transforming death from what it currently exist in and as separation.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word doubt as an outflow of my desire to blame others.  I realize that blaming others is not effective at creating a world that is best for all, in fact it is counter-productive as within that desire I am not facing myself and taking responsibility for myself.  I commit myself to take responsibility for myself and my world and no longer blame others.



Childhood thoughts of violence within my mind and as seen via Television programming when I was young (Control Mechanisms).  Fearing that I am evil because these thoughts existed within my mind.  Fearing that others would discover that I am evil and thus hate, reject, torture, banish and/or imprison me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 'I am evil' because of the violent thoughts which existed in my mind as memory implants/soul programming


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others would discover that I am evil and thus hate, reject, torture, banish and or imprison me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and believe that I am evil/horrible because of scenes within my mind of people/animals screaming as their heads are being split open.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and believe that I am evil/horrible because of scenes within my mind of people being shot, stabbed, tortured and killed


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and believe that I am evil/horrible because of preprogrammed scenes within my mind of babies screaming and being tortured and killed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and believe that I am evil/horrible because of scenes within my mind of drowning, falling to my death, and suffocation in dreams as representing fear of death.


I commit myself to live and walk in self-honesty and self-trust, free from all self-doubt, as it is unnecessary to doubt myself any longer.   I am Here.





Desteni I Process self-improvement course